This is a tool worth pursuing. Before we get into the secrets of making positive thought replacement more effective, we’d like to point out that if anxiety is viewed as a cycle of negative thoughts, feelings and reactions, then it’s clear that one point where this circle can be interrupted is in the area of how we think.
Keep
in Mind However, That Positive thinking isn’t the whole story. Our thoughts are only one
entry point where we can interrupt the cycle of fear that moves through our
mind, body and spirit. Social anxiety can be attacked from other angles in our
program as well.
Some secrets to making positive thinking more
effective. In Social
Phobics Anonymous we emphasize a few subtle but key points that that can make a
difference. We borrow these enhancements from various meditation techniques. Surprisingly, these meditation principles are the same in almost all the great World religions. They may also be used soley as mental techniques.) Here are a few of our suggestions for aiding these approaches below--
The principle of gentle persistence: When trying to change your
thinking, don’t try to force the change. Instead gently persist in bringing
your attention to creating new, positive thoughts while letting go of negative
thoughts. Fighting or bringing force to bear on negative thoughts tends to make
them worse. Mental obsessions tend to feed off of our resistance to them and
get worse the more we struggle against them. Acceptance. Accepting and
allowing negative thoughts (from a neutral or even welcoming point of view)
tends to take the power out of them. This may seem counterintuitive, but it’s
true.
The Principle of Gentle Peristance can be used with every tool of recovery in the Social Phobics Anonyous program.
Addition instead of opposition.. It can be helpful to choose to add the dimension of consciously creating positive thoughts, so long as this is done as an addition to our thinking and rather than in direct opposition to our negative thinking. **Some therapies call for arguing with ones negative thoughts-- this can be helpful but only if one argues gently. The whole idea is to ultimately shift the focus away from, and to softly replace, negative thoughts, rather than going to war with ourselves.
S.A.W.A. (Soften Allow Welcome and Accept): When acceptance becomes a struggle, this can often help. When faced with negative thoughts and feelings, rather than tensing up against them-- we can instead soften inside of ourselves. Then we can proceed to actually allow these 'bad' ideas and emotions to do what they want inside of us. This may seem scary at first, but negative thoughts and feelings tend to feed off of our restistance to them-- and paradoxically-- allowing them to move-- or even well up, as they please, within us-- tends to decrease their power over us). We can take this further by then welcoming these same ideas and emotions and finally-- do our best to gently accept them. This will tend to loosen, open and quiet our minds. Which then clears the way for more active recovery tools to work more effectively for us.
Commit and persist. Like anything else in life, making a
commitment to ongoing practice is the key. Trying to change negative thinking a
few times (or even just for a few days) and then declaring that it won’t work
may lead us to miss the powerful healing benefits of this tool. Just like
learning how to ride a bicycle, persistent long-term effort is the key. And
book learning alone won’t get us there— written words can get us on the bike—
and point us in the right direction— but it’s only through persistent practice
(along with a lot of trial and error) that we can actually learn how to ride
the bike.
So it is that gentle practice throughout the day
(and day after day-- long term) can make a huge difference in our lives.
This is where the encouragement and example of a support group can be a great
help. In SPA we will never push you to use this tool. However by support we
don’t mean pressure. We each come to this work if and only when we are ready
and we do so at our own pace.
Self-knowledge helps positive thought creation. The more we learn about
ourselves, the more effectively we can focus our creation of positive thoughts.
We can come to this deeper self-understanding in many ways—by listening to
others share in the groups (we learn volumes about ourselves when we listen to
others who also have social anxiety); through an honest and gentle ongoing
process of self-examination; and through working Step 4 and 5 of the SPA 12
Step Program, Through all of these methods we learn more about both our
strengths and our wounded or underdeveloped spots. Once we identify the areas
where we need the most work, we can better focus our thought creation in order
to nurture and strengthen those parts of ourselves that need it most.
Thought replacement as affirmation. This is an area where faith
overlaps with proven therapy. Normally thought replacement is seen as leading one
back to reality. Affirmations are positive statements (used in various human
potential movements) in order to create a new and more positive reality.
Affirmations state that the condition or situation that we desire already exists—which
tends to train our subconscious minds to manifest that condition. Put more
simply— in some areas of life, we can make something come true by declaring it
to be already so. Rather than being a fantasy, it’s really the practice of
training the mind to create positive new outcomes. In this sense an affirmation
is a declaration of faith that helps give birth to a better reality. Some things
of course can never be changed (like the death of someone dear). But with persistent and gentle effort, many
things in our lives can be changed. And so also affirmations can enhance the
practice of thought replacement.
Affirm your hidden strengths as well. Often in the midst of fear,
we forget who we really are. Fear often creates an illusion of weakness that
hides our strengths. Our capabilities and even our gifts are thus kept from us.
And so our fearful misconceptions about ourselves become self-fulfilling and in
the process our energy is sapped and our faith is diminished. Positive thought
creation can help to bring us back to the truth about ourselves— by affirming
the many good qualities and potentials that lie hidden within us.
Affirm the hidden good in the world around you. Often social anxiety hides
the abundant good of the world from us. We tend to highlight the negative that
we see and diminish or disregard the positives. This may also sometimes
(although not always) lead to erroneous interpretations of events. At other
times negative events may be very real, yet we may (sometimes but not always)
actually attract real negative circumstances because of our negative thinking
as well as our shy and anxious approach to life. This does not mean we deserve to suffer. Nor does it mean that
every calamity stems from social anxiety. Trouble comes at times into every
person’s life, socially anxious or not.
In Social Phobics Anonymous we take special care not
to give unsolicited advice and assess the reality or unreality of a fellow
group members life difficulties. We are not equipped, nor is it appropriate for
us to do so. We simply offer love and support and try to focus on our own
recoveries.
The special power of gratitude: Some 12 Step programs use
the slogan “Keep an attitude of gratitude”. Reminding ourselves of and even
listing the many things we have to be grateful for is one way to assert the
abundant presence of good within ourselves others and the World. It also helps us
to be more receptive so that we can make better use of the good that comes our
way.
Positive thinking can be a component of developing a
stronger faith: For those who are so
inclined, positive thinking can be one of the routes through which we come to
faith in a God or Higher Power of our personal understanding. A smaller,
negative view of things can be as missing the bigger picture of God or Higher
powers love for us. For those of us who do not believe in any God, we can still
develop a faith in the abundant good and potential for good (beyond which we
may immediately see) in the Universe. In either case, the consistent and gentle
practice of creating positive thoughts and perspectives may lead us eventually
to a greater experience of faith or trust in what lies behind the mirage of our
fears.
Understanding the mirage. A mirage has been
traditionally described as an illusion seen on the distant horizon in a desert.
The false image may be of something positive or negative—an inviting oasis of
trees and fruit—or a looming army of enemies that does not really exist—
whatever shape our personal mirages take, we learn to develop the practice of
faith or trust that a greater good lies behind the illusion of our fears.
Although not the only way to come to faith in the good that lies behind the
mirage, the gentle creation of positive thoughts is one way to get there.
Learn to tell the difference between positive
thinking and denial. It is possible to misapply or even abuse the practice of positive
thinking. One way that we can do this is by denying the reality of a truly
harmful habit or situation, whether our own or someone else’s. Holding tightly
to positive thinking as the only response to a situation when we are being
harmed, or where real wrong is being done, will not help us and may prolong our
suffering.
In order to try to tell the difference between
denial of real harm and situations where more commitment to positive thinking
is all that is needed, we may turn to numerous SPA tools of recovery—prayer,
meditation or reflection; consulting with other support group members; ongoing
(gentle but honest) self examination and continued participation in support
groups in order to sort out the difference.
No one else in the group can do more than share
suggestions (and only when asked). We can seek perspectives from others, but
ultimately we must each find our own way here. We do find that as we progress
in our recovery from social anxiety that we get better at telling the
difference between real harm or lack and the illusion of the same. Although no
one in this world can ever be perfect in this regard, nor should we expect to
ever be perfect.
Affirm not only strengths; but also affirm your
right to be human and less than perfect. Sometimes our efforts at positive thinking can fall into only
affirming our strong areas to the point oft trying to uphold a perfect image of
ourselves that sets us up for more anxiety. Perfectionism is closely tied to
anxiety problems and causes us to try too hard, which is at the root of a lot
of anxiousness. So it is by gently affirming both our strengths and our
vulnerable humanity that we find the balance that works. When affirming
vulnerability it is best to try to avoid doing so defensively. This will tend
to trigger a victim or socially fearful stance in ourselves whereas gentle
affirmation will tend to have positive benefits.
Affirm sadness.
Sadness and grieving are a natural part of the letting go process.
Letting go is a key part of surrendering the need to control ourselves; our
life circumstances and others. Allowing ourselves to grieve, honoring our
feelings and honoring the grieving process of fellow group members can help us
to release the controlling parts of ourselves.
Avoid affirming self-pity. Self-pity however, should
be avoided— grief is connected more to emotions and a healing process. Self-pity
is a victim mentality that holds a certain stance towards the world. Pity tends
to trap us while grief tends to set us free. The same is true for playing the
role of victim. We may be periodically victimized and we may need to honor what
happened and tell the truth about it—but we need to take care to avoid bringing
the victim stance into the status of a habitual reaction.
Even victims must pass through this stage in order to claim their power. Similar to sadness, feelings of shame and anger may be dealt with similarly. Fear may be embraced (as a way of accepting and quieting our reactions to it) but should not be affirmed as it has different properties than these other emotions.
No SPA tools, including this one, are absolutely required
to be used by anyone in our groups. Also some of us may already be so entangled in our
thought process that we need to use parts of the SPA program (other than
positive thinking) in order to heal our social fears. Some of these same people
may find that later, positive thinking will become a workable and invaluable
part of their healing path.
Creating positive thoughts is nevertheless a very
valuable healing tool. The practice of positive thinking can be very powerful approach to
healing with many benefits for social anxiety— impacting core beliefs;
interrupting painful cycles of worry and helping to reveal our true potential.
Used gently and wisely it can be a rich and rewarding part of the Social
Phobics Anonymous program of recovery. Share
Study more (and find one of our support groups
accessible to you) at the Social Phobics Anonymous Free Online Library at: www.spalibrary.org
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